Off Topic
Travelblog of Thom S. Hunter
Editor’s Note: Dammit. Far as I can tell this idiot idea of a beat reporter is going to stick. Guess he’s got low friends in high places. Or at least high friends. And I like to eat, and I got a wife and three kids (that I know of) who need clothes and sneakers. So I got nothing to do but to let the guy write whatever he writes. Good luck reading it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
September 12, 2057: Port au Prince – While the Goon and I were here at the Blue Cup writing up the thing on Stephen Schmidt, who should come along but Areas Xanthos. That name might or might not make a hill’s beans difference to you, but to me he’s like a long-lost buddy from my harrowing moments back in Ogden…which is a place that’s cold as shit and stuck in the middle a Utah. Strikes one and two, am I right?
Xanthos got promoted from rookie ball to Short A in Port au Prince late in the year. This despite numbers that were for about as much shit as his personality is – which is saying that I like the guy, but that just because I like someone isn’t really saying much. I have…um…acquired taste, and to be clear, Xanthos is more than a bit of an asswipe. He, is, though, my kinda asswipe, meaning that as I see him, he’s carrying a tray fulla beer bottles my and the Goon’s way.
“How’s the pen drippin’?” he says, putting the tray down with enough force that the head rolls over the lips of the mugs.
He doesn’t seem concerned.
Nor does he seem particularly about my pen or how it’s dripping. This is because the girl walks by wearing considerably more of her skin than her top. Can’t say that I blame him.
I tell him I’m writing about Schmidt, and he pops off. “You oughta be writing about me,” he says. “I’m the one got promoted.”
I remind him of his numbers. He seems unfazed. Instead, he pounds a thick finger on the liquor-stained paper I got on the table before me, noting the scout’s thoughts.
“Those the only numbers that matter.”
“Eight Power. Nine Eye,” he says, his slant-eye googling bigger and his hairy uni-brow raising like an avalanche ready to tumble.
“Tell the Boss Man that Xanthos is coming.”
It sounds like more of a threat than a proclamation, which, given the guy’s Greek attitude, may well be. And even though I got the Goon with me, I’m not in the mood to ague with a cat that’s 6’2” and 200 pounds whose used to swinging lumber around, even if he don’t hit anything. Besides, the Goon’s sitting there all happy swilling Xanthos’s beer and letting the ridge of fat at the back of his neck rid up toward the front. I think he likes the girl, too. Regardless, I figure the Goon’s on Xanthos’s side now, so there will be no arguing.
“I said to tell the Boss Man I’m coming.”
His eyes stare bolts and I realize he wants me to write a report on him. Well just so, right?
I get to typing.
- - -
OFFENSIVELY: Ares Xanthos is clearly better than his numbers suggest. While he hit only .208 after being promoted, he is a man of great athleticism and grace who only chose not to hit the ball out of courtesy of the pitchers he faced—meaning he wants them all to make the majors, too. Nice guy, Xanthos. That’s what everyone here says.
He hit a home run, too. Let’s not forget this, because though it was only one home run in 81 plate appearances, the tone home run was a piece of beauty. The definition of art as it arced up into the sky to be caught by a cute seven-year-old kid with incurable cancer. He is a giver, Xanthos is.
S noted, ultimately I think it’s okay to ignore his -1.3 WAR across two assignments this year, and the -.9 WAR he created his first two seasons as a pro, simply because those biceps are things of beauty and strength. His intelligence shows through in his selfless decisions not to steal. He’s smart enough to know he can’t run that fast, so mostly in those rare moments when he’s standing on a base, he’s going to do just that. Stand on the base.
But man, does he look good doing it.
- - -
DEFENSIVELY, Xanthos will make an outstanding Designated Hitter. He made only a single error this season, but that was by mistake. Usually Xanthos doesn’t expend a lot of energy getting his glove too close to the ball, but that time he was watching a bird fly over when a dribbler came his way. Startled, he bent instinctively toward the ball and it caromed off his glove.
That event turned into another good deed when later the team auctioned the ball as a unique item, the first to touch the great Greek’s glove and survive to tell the tale.
In other words, Xanoths’s fielding is a sight to behold, and is … um … so entertaining it will draw fans to the stands from miles around.
- - -
DEVELOPMENT: It is fair to note that Xanthos, who came to the team as a 14th round pick two years ago, has had a fairly remarkable journey that, despite some of those numbers I mentioned, continues to show considerable growth. Coaches and scouts alike agree that there’s more here than meets the stats, and that – especially after having been promoted – his raw scores associated to skillets have made substantial progress.
It doesn’t pain me at all to say that he’s a guy you might want to watch on the ratings front rather than the stats front.
I’ll note that he says he liked the coach here at Port au Prince pretty well. Took him out for dinner and beers one night.
- - -
PERSONALITY: Ares Xanthos is such a good guy that the team might want to reward him by sending him to etiquette school sometime.
- - -
2058 Projection: Xanthos turns 21 in a few months. I could see him starting here in Port au Prince for a bit longer, but expect that the end of 2058 might see him earing a Lime City uniform up in A Ball.
- - - When I was finished, Xanthos grabbed the screen and read through my thoughts, grunting with glee at certain points, and chuckling aloud. “Kid with cancer,” Xanthos said. “That’ll get them right where it hurts.” His lips moved only a little as he read through it. His gaze crossed at one point, which is when I knew he’d hit the word ‘etiquette.’ But it was all good.
“I like it!” he beamed and called for another tray of beers. “Send it off!”
Which I did.
Ares Xanthos may well be a first-rate asswipe but as I said earlier, he’s the kind of first rate asswipe that I kinda like.
September 12, 2057: Port au Prince – While the Goon and I were here at the Blue Cup writing up the thing on Stephen Schmidt, who should come along but Areas Xanthos. That name might or might not make a hill’s beans difference to you, but to me he’s like a long-lost buddy from my harrowing moments back in Ogden…which is a place that’s cold as shit and stuck in the middle a Utah. Strikes one and two, am I right?
Xanthos got promoted from rookie ball to Short A in Port au Prince late in the year. This despite numbers that were for about as much shit as his personality is – which is saying that I like the guy, but that just because I like someone isn’t really saying much. I have…um…acquired taste, and to be clear, Xanthos is more than a bit of an asswipe. He, is, though, my kinda asswipe, meaning that as I see him, he’s carrying a tray fulla beer bottles my and the Goon’s way.
“How’s the pen drippin’?” he says, putting the tray down with enough force that the head rolls over the lips of the mugs.
He doesn’t seem concerned.
Nor does he seem particularly about my pen or how it’s dripping. This is because the girl walks by wearing considerably more of her skin than her top. Can’t say that I blame him.
I tell him I’m writing about Schmidt, and he pops off. “You oughta be writing about me,” he says. “I’m the one got promoted.”
I remind him of his numbers. He seems unfazed. Instead, he pounds a thick finger on the liquor-stained paper I got on the table before me, noting the scout’s thoughts.
“Those the only numbers that matter.”
| Player Name | POS | B | T | OVR | POT | ConP | GapP | PowP | EyeP | AvKP | Con | Gap | Pow | Eye | AvK |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ares Xanthos | 1B | R | R | 20 | 60 | 6 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 7 | 4 |
| Source | Age | Ht | Wt | SPD | STE | RUN | CAB | CAR | IFR | IFE | IFA | TDP | OFR | OFE | OFA |
| D55.14 | 20 | 6'2" | 200 | 3 | 2 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 4 |
“Eight Power. Nine Eye,” he says, his slant-eye googling bigger and his hairy uni-brow raising like an avalanche ready to tumble.
“Tell the Boss Man that Xanthos is coming.”
It sounds like more of a threat than a proclamation, which, given the guy’s Greek attitude, may well be. And even though I got the Goon with me, I’m not in the mood to ague with a cat that’s 6’2” and 200 pounds whose used to swinging lumber around, even if he don’t hit anything. Besides, the Goon’s sitting there all happy swilling Xanthos’s beer and letting the ridge of fat at the back of his neck rid up toward the front. I think he likes the girl, too. Regardless, I figure the Goon’s on Xanthos’s side now, so there will be no arguing.
“I said to tell the Boss Man I’m coming.”
His eyes stare bolts and I realize he wants me to write a report on him. Well just so, right?
I get to typing.
- - -
OFFENSIVELY: Ares Xanthos is clearly better than his numbers suggest. While he hit only .208 after being promoted, he is a man of great athleticism and grace who only chose not to hit the ball out of courtesy of the pitchers he faced—meaning he wants them all to make the majors, too. Nice guy, Xanthos. That’s what everyone here says.
He hit a home run, too. Let’s not forget this, because though it was only one home run in 81 plate appearances, the tone home run was a piece of beauty. The definition of art as it arced up into the sky to be caught by a cute seven-year-old kid with incurable cancer. He is a giver, Xanthos is.
S noted, ultimately I think it’s okay to ignore his -1.3 WAR across two assignments this year, and the -.9 WAR he created his first two seasons as a pro, simply because those biceps are things of beauty and strength. His intelligence shows through in his selfless decisions not to steal. He’s smart enough to know he can’t run that fast, so mostly in those rare moments when he’s standing on a base, he’s going to do just that. Stand on the base.
But man, does he look good doing it.
- - -
DEFENSIVELY, Xanthos will make an outstanding Designated Hitter. He made only a single error this season, but that was by mistake. Usually Xanthos doesn’t expend a lot of energy getting his glove too close to the ball, but that time he was watching a bird fly over when a dribbler came his way. Startled, he bent instinctively toward the ball and it caromed off his glove.
That event turned into another good deed when later the team auctioned the ball as a unique item, the first to touch the great Greek’s glove and survive to tell the tale.
In other words, Xanoths’s fielding is a sight to behold, and is … um … so entertaining it will draw fans to the stands from miles around.
- - -
DEVELOPMENT: It is fair to note that Xanthos, who came to the team as a 14th round pick two years ago, has had a fairly remarkable journey that, despite some of those numbers I mentioned, continues to show considerable growth. Coaches and scouts alike agree that there’s more here than meets the stats, and that – especially after having been promoted – his raw scores associated to skillets have made substantial progress.
It doesn’t pain me at all to say that he’s a guy you might want to watch on the ratings front rather than the stats front.
I’ll note that he says he liked the coach here at Port au Prince pretty well. Took him out for dinner and beers one night.
- - -
PERSONALITY: Ares Xanthos is such a good guy that the team might want to reward him by sending him to etiquette school sometime.
- - -
2058 Projection: Xanthos turns 21 in a few months. I could see him starting here in Port au Prince for a bit longer, but expect that the end of 2058 might see him earing a Lime City uniform up in A Ball.
- - - When I was finished, Xanthos grabbed the screen and read through my thoughts, grunting with glee at certain points, and chuckling aloud. “Kid with cancer,” Xanthos said. “That’ll get them right where it hurts.” His lips moved only a little as he read through it. His gaze crossed at one point, which is when I knew he’d hit the word ‘etiquette.’ But it was all good.
“I like it!” he beamed and called for another tray of beers. “Send it off!”
Which I did.
Ares Xanthos may well be a first-rate asswipe but as I said earlier, he’s the kind of first rate asswipe that I kinda like.
