Off Topic
Turnstiles Blaze Despite Losing Streaks
August 27, 2057: Marshall Islands – Buoyed by newly called up rookie Mike McClure’s home run and two singles, the Bikini Krill defeated the visiting Portland Lumberjacks by a score of 8-5 today. The victory broke what had been a 9-game losing streak. In fact, the entire month of August has been pretty dour for the injury-riddled team, with the Krill’s record standing at 5-20 for the month.
And yet, the team played to almost 26,000 fans. Which was a drop from the 31,000 who watched the team drop yesterday’s tilt with the Lumberjacks. That number, of course, paled in light of the sell0out crowd that saw the club face Valencia a week back.
In other words, the Bikini Krill – self-named “Earth’s Team” – may be losers, but it’s clear that they are loveable losers.
“We love coming to the games,” said Dale Mikally, of Topeka, Kansas. “The price is good, and the stadium is fantastic. The Come Together Door makes coming to the games a total breeze, and the kids love the magic shows between innings. It’s a lot of fun to go to the merch store and buy jerseys with all those great names on them.”
The names Mikally is referring to include several “stars” the club has recently signed, and are busy playing away in the team’s AAA franchise in Pasco. Names like 34-year-old Bill Constable, who signed a minor league deal that allows him to become a free agent if he’s not called up by mid-September. He’s got an 11.45 ERA in Pasco, which would suggest he’ll be seeing that option well before he comes to the Atoll, but no one buying his jersey seems to care. “They’re flying off the shelf,” said shop overseer Louinda Emani. “Everyone seems to want a Constable.”
The team also signed 37-year-old, longtime Spud first baseman Pepe Madrid, who owns a .245 batting average, though he has hit 5 homers since signing a AAA contract in early August. There’s some question as to whether he would see any time at the major league level since the club is giving rookie Mike McClure at bats. But Madrid’s bobblehead has a fan favorite. “I love seeing Madrid’s highlights on the screen while they run the crab race between the fourth and fifth innings,” Mikally said.
That’s not all, of course.
Over the past month the team has signed beloved 36-year-old catcher Ichizo Sugiyama, Kooky Reality-Line Influencer and 28-year-old lifelong minor leaguer Wibawa Subadio . Neither are likely to make any appearance on the field beyond the special “Walk with Wibawa” day that had the minor league outfielder make a 7th-inning stretch presentation in centerfield. “A good stretch was had by all,” he said afterward, holding up an aluminum drink container. “Buy my mugs.”
And fans did.
This week, the team announced the signings of pitchers Carlos Silva, Scott Davis, J.R. Jayne, Bryan Tite, and Yeoing-min Han to minor league deals. No one is sure where they will report to play, yet, but fans were enthused to see them arrive at Forever Park to sing the “Under the Boardwalk,” which has been serving as the team’s placeholder for a National Anthem all season.
That’s all good by Jacinta Nieves, of Guadalajara, Mexico. “It’s nice to take world politics out of the game,” she said. “And I was so excited to see Bryan Tite sing, that I brought all my friends to the park with me. “He’s hunky, and he’s got a great voice.
The team finished the week by announcing they had signed Long Beach cast-off Jay Hodge to a similar deal as they’d given Bill Constable, a minor league contract with a major league option. No one seems to think Hodge will find any of his lost velocity while in Pasco, and, in fact, his month would run out pretty much at the end of the season, but VR posters of Hodge are now all the rage in and around Forever Park.
“We love following a team that loves baseball players, even if they don’t show up on the field,” Nieves said. “I went to Hodge’s presentation on how to deal with problems when life goes bad, and it was life changing. All I’ve got to do now is get Phoenix to give me $71M and I’ll be on my way.”
Results Speak For Themselves
So, at the end of the season, while it appears the Krill might even struggle to top last year’s 56 victories, the game in the cash box is appearing to turn around. Fans are flocking to Forever Park in numbers too big to ignore.
“We’re promising the fans a big end-of season gala on the last game of the season where we Door in all these players we’ve signed. So everyone will get a chance to grab an autograph or snap a picture,” General Manager Ron Collins said. “Just remember to keep buying tickets.”
August 27, 2057: Marshall Islands – Buoyed by newly called up rookie Mike McClure’s home run and two singles, the Bikini Krill defeated the visiting Portland Lumberjacks by a score of 8-5 today. The victory broke what had been a 9-game losing streak. In fact, the entire month of August has been pretty dour for the injury-riddled team, with the Krill’s record standing at 5-20 for the month.
And yet, the team played to almost 26,000 fans. Which was a drop from the 31,000 who watched the team drop yesterday’s tilt with the Lumberjacks. That number, of course, paled in light of the sell0out crowd that saw the club face Valencia a week back.
In other words, the Bikini Krill – self-named “Earth’s Team” – may be losers, but it’s clear that they are loveable losers.
“We love coming to the games,” said Dale Mikally, of Topeka, Kansas. “The price is good, and the stadium is fantastic. The Come Together Door makes coming to the games a total breeze, and the kids love the magic shows between innings. It’s a lot of fun to go to the merch store and buy jerseys with all those great names on them.”
The names Mikally is referring to include several “stars” the club has recently signed, and are busy playing away in the team’s AAA franchise in Pasco. Names like 34-year-old Bill Constable, who signed a minor league deal that allows him to become a free agent if he’s not called up by mid-September. He’s got an 11.45 ERA in Pasco, which would suggest he’ll be seeing that option well before he comes to the Atoll, but no one buying his jersey seems to care. “They’re flying off the shelf,” said shop overseer Louinda Emani. “Everyone seems to want a Constable.”
The team also signed 37-year-old, longtime Spud first baseman Pepe Madrid, who owns a .245 batting average, though he has hit 5 homers since signing a AAA contract in early August. There’s some question as to whether he would see any time at the major league level since the club is giving rookie Mike McClure at bats. But Madrid’s bobblehead has a fan favorite. “I love seeing Madrid’s highlights on the screen while they run the crab race between the fourth and fifth innings,” Mikally said.
That’s not all, of course.
Over the past month the team has signed beloved 36-year-old catcher Ichizo Sugiyama, Kooky Reality-Line Influencer and 28-year-old lifelong minor leaguer Wibawa Subadio . Neither are likely to make any appearance on the field beyond the special “Walk with Wibawa” day that had the minor league outfielder make a 7th-inning stretch presentation in centerfield. “A good stretch was had by all,” he said afterward, holding up an aluminum drink container. “Buy my mugs.”
And fans did.
This week, the team announced the signings of pitchers Carlos Silva, Scott Davis, J.R. Jayne, Bryan Tite, and Yeoing-min Han to minor league deals. No one is sure where they will report to play, yet, but fans were enthused to see them arrive at Forever Park to sing the “Under the Boardwalk,” which has been serving as the team’s placeholder for a National Anthem all season.
That’s all good by Jacinta Nieves, of Guadalajara, Mexico. “It’s nice to take world politics out of the game,” she said. “And I was so excited to see Bryan Tite sing, that I brought all my friends to the park with me. “He’s hunky, and he’s got a great voice.
The team finished the week by announcing they had signed Long Beach cast-off Jay Hodge to a similar deal as they’d given Bill Constable, a minor league contract with a major league option. No one seems to think Hodge will find any of his lost velocity while in Pasco, and, in fact, his month would run out pretty much at the end of the season, but VR posters of Hodge are now all the rage in and around Forever Park.
“We love following a team that loves baseball players, even if they don’t show up on the field,” Nieves said. “I went to Hodge’s presentation on how to deal with problems when life goes bad, and it was life changing. All I’ve got to do now is get Phoenix to give me $71M and I’ll be on my way.”
Results Speak For Themselves
So, at the end of the season, while it appears the Krill might even struggle to top last year’s 56 victories, the game in the cash box is appearing to turn around. Fans are flocking to Forever Park in numbers too big to ignore.
“We’re promising the fans a big end-of season gala on the last game of the season where we Door in all these players we’ve signed. So everyone will get a chance to grab an autograph or snap a picture,” General Manager Ron Collins said. “Just remember to keep buying tickets.”
