The Brewster

SACRAMENTO (AP): In the midst of a six-game winning streak catapulting the confusing 2057 Sacramento Mad Popes to a 30-27 record, team officials announced the contract purchase of That Bitch Carroll Baskin from AAA Black Hills. The Popes needed a bullpen arm after third year reliever Michael Craig blew out his ulnar collateral ligament while pitching in the Popes' 3-2 victory Saturday over the woeful San Fernando Bears.

"Hey all you cool cats and kittens," an excited That Bitch Carroll Baskin said before boarding a plane to Sacramento. "Lookie, lookie, who's comin' to town."

That Bitch Carroll Baskin is a surprise call-up for the Popes as the 30-year-old former tiger rescuer (and accused murderer of her first husband) had not pitched professionally since 2054 before Sacramento signed her to a minor league contract this spring. The Popes hoped her deceptive knuckleball could rekindle its hip-hop form that pushed the Brooklyn Robins to draft That Bitch Carroll Baskin in the first supplemental round in 2046. Unfortunately for the Robins, That Bitch Carroll Baskin disappointed as a prospect, struggling through nine seasons in the minors with three organizations.

Despite losing much of the movement and control of her premiere pitch, That Bitch Carroll Baskin never lost confidence in its abilities to get batters out.

"You can see how (my knuckleballs) go from being so sweet to tearing your face off, just like that, and it's amazing to have that range."

That Bitch Carroll Baskin has posted a 3.12 ERA in 17 1/3 innings for Black Hills this season.

You finally pass the Bears in the standings by a game and get a big head.

BaseClogger wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 07, 2023 5:01 pm

You finally pass the Bears in the standings by a game and get a big head.

Take it as a compliment.

Hopefully it’s for one sim and I set up my bullpen so she won’t pitch any meaningful innings.

Love it! It’s freaking weird that its my custom ammy AND Michael Craig is my middle name @shoeless.db

CTBrewCrew wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 07, 2023 6:43 pm

Love it! It’s freaking weird that its my custom ammy AND Michael Craig is my middle name

Of COURSE that's your custom ammy. I should have known.

And well played, Shoeless. Man, early COVID sure put that documentary in the right place at the right time, didn't it?