Chicago, Dec. 16, 2049: In yet another shameless effort to increase fan interest, the Chicago Black Sox front office reached into its hallowed past and hired legend Resurrection Santos to be the hitting coach at its AAA affiliate, the Carolina Flight.
The announcement was made in an unusual way: the team summoned season ticket holders to the ballpark in sub-zero temperatures to deliver the news. Fans in attendance, about 12,400 in all, were thrilled, cheering the 75-year old Santos wildly as he made his way to the stage for the ceremony.
Santos was a mainstay on the Black Sox championship teams in 1995 and '96. "I played on a bunch of other teams," he told the crowd, "but Chicago was always first in my book, and that's why I'm glad I entered the Hall of Fame as a Black Sox!"
Speaking with reporters after the ceremony, Santos said he was lured out of retirement after watching some minor league games in 2049. "I didn't like what I saw. Everyone is busy swinging for the fences. No one cares about making contact anymore."
So when the Carolina Flight hitting coach position opened, Santos called up GM Mike Dunn and offered his services. "I can teach those kids a thing or two, I'd say."
Chicago fans braved the cold to hear the Santos announcement
And all of this comes just a year after Resurrection Santos's grandson, Resurrection Santos III, was the first overall pick in the 2049 MBBA amateur draft, taken by the El Paso Chilis. Santos III struggled in R ball with the Anchorage Polar Bears last season, hitting just .202 in 59 games. "I am working with him in the off-season," said Santos the elder. "I expect him to fare much better in the coming year, hopefully at A ball."
To serve as hitting coach, Santos signed a two-year contract with the Black Sox organization at $95,000 per year. "I don't need the money, of course," he said, "and I'll probably donate it to the local high school for some batting cages." Santos has reportedly earned a tidy sum since his retirement as the national spokesman for high tech drone manufacturer "I Spy on U," the device that has reportedly prompted some ten million divorces because of its ability to capture bedroom surveillance videos through walls. "I was their spokesman when that company was nothing -- and now they're huge. It has been mutually beneficial to both of us," he said with a laugh, before turning back to sign autographs.
