Hold My Log - 57.44 - HGH Wants Out

[7teen]

Portland GM Chris Wilson sat in his office. The season was rapidly coming to an end, the trade deadline was approaching, and he was trying to figure out anyway he could to milk a few younger players out of his heap of active rubble players before the deadline when there was a knock on the door.

Wilson - Come in.

Hugh Mangrouthormone - Hey, Mr. Wilson. You have a second?

Wilson - Sure, Hugh. What's on your mind?

HGH - Sir, the guys call me HGH.

Wilson - Good for the guys, Hugh. I assume you aren't here to dish out nickname stories.

HGH - Oh no sir. Mr. Wilson.... I'd like for you to trade me.

Wilson spit out the coffee he was drinking and began choking on some that had made it down his windpipe. He waved off Kate who was sitting in the corner who was coming to his aide. After a few more good coughs, Wilson finally regained the ability to talk.

Wilson - You want to be traded?

HGH - Yes sir I do.

Wilson - Yeah, I saw something mentioned about that. Supposedly a trade is brewing for you, Hugh. An unidentified source it says here. You talking to reporters, Hugh.

HGH - Look sir, I just don't think you're utilizing my talents properly here in Portland. I should be playing every day.

Wilson - Every day, you say? Not utilizing your talents, you say? What exactly are your talents, Hugh?

A puzzled HGH looked at Wilson.

HGH - Well, I'm a good hitter. That's why you signed me.

Wilson paused for a second and looked at HGH.

Wilson - A good hitter, you say. Hugh, have you looked at the stats? You're a fucking lousy hitter! I mean I could throw out cliche after cliche here buddy. You couldn't water if you fell off a boat. You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel. You couldn't hit Kate here and she lets everybody hit it. You think you're a good hitter!!?? You have a negative career WAR! You've never been a good hitter! The only thing you've managed to do over your career is hit some long homeruns and make the crowd ooooh and ahhhhh at some of them. And frankly, Hugh, that's the only reason I offered you a contract. I've been intrigued by this as well. Maybe I'm just a giddy fan at times too. I wanted to see you hit some long homeruns in a Portland uniform. And you've done that a few times. Hell, it even gave our reporters a few chances to write about you. Make you relevant again for a brief moment. But you think I can trade your sorry ass? No one wants you! You've not played in 5 years pal! No one was calling to sign you. Who the fuck is going to trade something for you! If you want out of here, fine. I'll release your sorry ass and you can go back and sit in your home in Florida and eat some more cheese balls on your sofa watching semi-professional cornhole tournaments on ESPN the Ocho. Hell, who knows. Maybe some team in bum fuck Egypt or Mumbai or Bucharest or wherever those fucking teams in the GBC are at will call you up and you can go play over there in the sweltering desert heat. I'm sure they'd be giddy watching you roll in over there to hit a few homers and strike out a hundred times. So no, Hugh, you aren't a good hitter and I'm not going to try and trade you. What you're going to do is your going to leave my fucking office. You're going to stroll your old ass back down to the clubhouse and get ready for this homestand we having coming up. It's a big one. Who knows, maybe Mons will play you or give you an at-bat. Or maybe you get lucky and someone starts a lefty and you don't have to worry about getting splinters in your ass from the bench. And who knows, maybe you get lucky and smack us a homerun and the fans can ooooh and ahhhhh over it. And maybe, just maybe, the stars align just right and your sorry ass will helps us beat Vancouver. That would sure mean a helluva lot to me, Hugh. And Hugh, we have 43 games left in the season. I'm not so sure these aren't your last 43 games in the show. Maybe you should just focus on that, fella. Now get the fuck out of my office. Kate, hand me some tylenol.

[jiminyhopkins]

Not exactly the brightest bulb in the box.









(For you Gen Z's out there, a "bulb" used to be an Argon filled glass container with a metal, screw-type base. Inside this inert glass container was a wound tungsten filament that glowed when exposed to electric current. 90% of this energy was converted to heat, but some came out as visible light. Cool, huh?)

[Lane]

the real question about HGH this season is how the hell he managed to play two innings at shortstop

[Jwalk100]

He must be off cycle.

[7teen]

the real question about HGH this season is how the hell he managed to play two innings at shortstop

Turcotte was injured. Habernuckle got injured mid game a week later. For some reason, Mons pinch ran for Habernuckle on the bases and then used HGH at SS.

[BaseClogger]

Same thing happened with my DH, Don Moore. He ended up making a couple plays in his six innings at SS!

[recte44]

Seems like a reasonable guy.