Upbeat theme music plays as camera pans across a sleek studio, settling on host Shereen Malik seated on a stool across from a middle-aged man who smiles, but looks vaguely uncomfortable perched on the edge of his stool.
Shereen Malik: Welcome everyone to Metro Stars This Week!, where we are fortunate to have the team’s brand new General Manager, Vic Caleca, in studio with us.
Good evening, Vic!
Vic Caleca: Good evening, Shereen. Thanks for having me.
Shereen: Absolutely, the pleasure is ours. So, you’ve had all of about six hours on the job. What do you think of your Metro Stars?
Vic: (Laughs weakly) Well, as I’m sure you’ll agree, I haven’t had much time to get to know everyone yet, but I can tell you that I’ve been impressed with what I’ve seen from afar. To go from last year’s rather unfortunate debut – what, 28 and 51? – to nine games over .500 so far this season speaks well of our players and coaches and the work they’ve put in.
Shereen: No doubt. Anyone in particular stand out to you yet?
Vic: Well, clearly, Hansen and Green are off to nice starts, and we’ll be counting on them anchoring our lineup.
Shereen: Yes, you’re referring, of course, to second baseman Gilbert Hansen and right fielder Wilbur Green …
Vic: Right. And on the mound, of course, there’s Denilde Trovisquiera and Salvador Gonzáles. We lead the Bancroft League in most of the major hitting and pitching categories right now, so clearly we’re doing something right.
Shereen: It’s hard to argue with success, right?
Vic: (Smiles) Can we sustain it, though? That will be our job going forward.
Shereen: That always is the question, isn’t it? I wanted to ask about your background a bit – you don’t seem to have a traditional baseball resume.
Vic: Well, that’s certainly true, although I do have a background in baseball at the collegiate level in the U.S. I was assistant athletic director at Northwestern University, and the baseball team was one of my responsibilities.
Shereen: Well, what really struck me was that you have a degree in International Relations. Do you feel that will prepare you for your time here in Mumbai?
Vic: Well, I’m glad you mentioned that, Shereen. As you know, the Metro Stars had a few … well, unfortunate … incidents in their inaugural season. And one of the things our owner, Donald Little, has asked me to focus on was minimizing those kinds of things as we move ahead here.
Shereen: You’re no doubt referring to the scoreboard animation that touched off some hard feelings last year.
Vic: Well, yes. That’s one thing. Now, I think there are a fair number of people who thought the idea of Shiva: Destroyer of Fastballs was at least amusing. But many of our Hindi fans found it offensive.
Shereen: Well, I don’t think they liked the image of Shiva in a baseball cap high-fiving himself with his four arms …
Vic: Yes, that was regrettable. Likewise, I can promise that we will not be repeating “Call Center Night” at the Ballpark of Mumbai this season.
Shereen: (Winces) Yes, that did cause a bit of upset, didn’t it?
Vic: That’s not to suggest, mind you, that the Metro Stars have anything at all against the great call center industry. Thousands of our fans happen to work in the industry. But, in retrospect, having the bleacher fans call the boxseat fans during the 7th Inning Stretch and try to sell them timeshares wasn’t well thought out.
Shereen: No …
Vic: Although, you’d be surprised at how many they actually sold …
Shereen: Ummm …
Vic: I also think we’ll be making some adjustments to Mahatma Gandhi Night …
Shereen: Oh? I thought that went over rather well. You’re not regretting honoring Gandhi’s legacy, are you?
Vic: Oh, of course not, of course not. No one admires the Mahatma’s legacy more than the Metro Stars family. But … there’s no question we miscalculated when we suggested that fans in attendance that night honor Gandhi by re-enacting his famous hunger strike.
Our concession sales cratered, of course, and I’m not sure they’ve quite recovered yet. We have a plan to recoup our losses, though. We currently have researchers looking back through the historical record to see if Gandhi ever expressed an opinion on Cracker Jack …
Shereen: That seems highly doubtful.
Vic: Still, we are keeping hope alive.
Shereen: Well, that’s admirable, of course. That unfortunately is all we have time for this evening. We do hope you’ll be a frequent guest with us here on Metro Stars This Week! Perhaps the next time, we can get into the nuts and bolts of the team.
Vic: I would like nothing better.
(As the outro music starts, you can hear Vic and Shereen chatting informally …
(Vic: Let me ask you this: do you think a scoreboard animation of Shiva high fiving Gandhi would be offensive?
(Shereen: I really would suggest staying away from high fives altogether …
(The music blissfully swells, drowns out any further conversation, and the picture fades to black)
